Can you be too self critical?

What’s the line; I wonder, between being self critical to make positive changes or being destructively self critical. I often feel like I over step that line and sometimes end up holding myself back because I think I’m not good enough.

I think being able to step back and reflect on your actions and behaviors is important as it gives you the opportunity to focus on areas to make changes. It’s something I’ve got better at over the years but I have to say my partner does have the patients of a saint. Being self critical though is something I’ve always struggled with. I see the worst bits, the wobbly bits, the protruding bits, the blemishes, the flaws, the poor performance and will use these to try and better myself which as we know never really ends well. Learning to accept these flaws or using them to better yourself is key to a happier life (for me it is)

When I was a child I had a really happy upbringing and my parents were always supportive and encouraged me to push myself and try new things. Although I was shy I always tried to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that challenged me. I suppose this carried on as I aged. I challenged myself physically by taking up rowing, I pushed myself well out of my comfort zone by joining the Fire Service, I went back to University in my 30s. I never doubted I could achieve what I set my mind too and this ultimately led to me being able to set up my own business.

Despite being successful at lots of things I do I can’t quite shake that nagging self critical fairy sat on my shoulder. She’ll say I’m too fat or I can’t wear that, or that I’m under achieving. She sits there quietly contemplating her next move, ready to strike at any time.

I’m sure mental health specialists would have lots of questions about why I am so self critical and it would be interesting to know. I do know though that it possibly comes from a desire to better myself, to always be moving forward and challenging myself. I don’t want to stagnate or become boring, I want to live life and strive to be the best me.

There does have to be an off switch though. Being self critical is important if you can see it objectively and put a plan in place to change something. If you think you are too fat then you may decide to lose weight but likewise you may try new experiences that make you more comfortable in your own body. Being able to then accept that part of you means you can focus on something else. I often focus on the bits of my body I don’t like but actually there are lots of bits I do like so for me I try to focus on those bits.

None of us are perfect but we can be the best ‘us’. Being self critical should almost be a tick box sheet that we use to evaluate ourselves in a certain situation. From that we should be able to learn, adapt, change, or whatever is needed for that situation. That’s a healthy type of self criticism.

I believe we can use this in our running. Running is a huge learning curve and without being able to critically appraise ourselves, the situation, what went wrong etc then we wouldn’t learn. When I started running longer distances I became less self critical because everything was new and such a huge challenge. As I progressed through the years I have become more self critical again. Maybe this is the driving force behind always wanting more. I am much more acutely aware though that the self criticism can be dialed down and used productively. It’s helped me improve my fitness, my performance and my working life

( the pic below is me running....when I first saw it I thought 'oh dear'....I saw the belly and a slight hip drop but actually if I focus on the good bits I think I look strong , focused and not bad for a woman in her mid forties. Look into the pic and see how youve got there, remember how it felt and what has pushed you to get there. Turn that self criticism into a goal. )

(these are just my views on self criticism) If you want to read more I thought this piece was good Therapy for Self Criticism, Therapist for Self Criticism (goodtherapy.org)

Are you too self critical, do you let it hold you back, have you mellowed with age???